My Heart
by Mitsuki-senpai
Summary: Lelouch's and Shirley's thoughts in their tragic events. Songfic/Oneshot. The song is My Heart by paramore.


A Code Geass fanfic with my favorite couple, Lelouch and Shirley! Just to help you read, bold italics are the song, normal are either a dream or thoughts of either Lelouch or Shirley. Hopefully I've made it obvious enough who's the one thinking.

Disclaimer: I don't own Paramore. I don't own Sunrise either. (If I did, Shirley and Lelouch would've been together, haha).

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_I'm so confused... Lulu... No Zero... Killed my father. The only person I've loved my whole life is a murderer..._

Shirley began to write a note, tears falling upon the page, and the horrific sight of Zero's gun next to her.

_**I am finding out**_

_**That maybe I was wrong**_

She sobbed to herself quietly, interrupted by her roommate that woke up.

"Shirley? What are you doing up so early? Writing a note?"

Shirley crumpled up the note and hid the gun.

"Yea, sort of..."

"Could it be a love letter? Writing to Lelouch?"

Shirley looked at the crumpled piece of paper. She tried hard to hold her tears back.

_If only..._ she thought. _If only..._

"Something like that..." Shirley answered.

She got up and left the room, telling her roommate not to worry. She collapsed on the ground, pouring her eyes out. Her tears flowed like waterfalls, refusing to slow.

_**That I've fallen down**_

_**And I can't do this alone**_

Meanwhile...

Lelouch was in his headquarters with C.C. trying to figure out where his gun went.

"And the blood?" C.C. asked.

"It'll take some time to analyze, but there's something else..." Lelouch said as he though back. "I thought I saw Shirley there..."

_It can't be Shirley, can it?.. How would she react.. What would she do.. If she knew I was Zero..._

After they finished talking they left for the school. Lelouch asked to sit by himself. He stared out the window, then fell asleep.

_Lelouch saw a girl ahead of him, the light reflecting off her shimmering orange hair. Her back was turned towards him; she was looking at the sun rise above the skyline from the balcony._

_"Shirley?" He called out, almost involuntarily._

_The girl turned around, her sparkling green eyes filling the room with kindness. He felt at peace. He began to walk towards her. he thought she had the most beautiful smile, one that expressed the same innocence and care as Nunally's._

_But something changed._

_The background started to face to black, and now it was just them standing in the midst of the darkness. A light seemed to emit from her angelic self. He ran towards her. She smiled at him and held her hand out._

_"Lulu.."_

_And she began to fade. He started to panic._

_"Wait! Shirley!"_

_He held his hand out to reach her, but he felt a wind suddenly rush and she turned into a golden dust. She flew away with the wind._

Lelouch woke up a bit startled.

_That dream again..._ he thought.

_**Stay with me**_

_**This is what I need, please**_

Later on that day...

Shirley -desperately unsure what to do- stood trembling pointing a gun at her once beloved. Was it really once... Or still?

Sick of having thoughts pushed into her head, she couldn't bear to listen to Mao and Lelouch.

"Just shut up!!"

She shot at Lelouch, just missing, but still, she shot at him. He fell back, pictures of him and her escaping from his jacket. She looked in absolute horror. Her thoughts grew in chaos. She trembled even more.

_I... I did this?! But it was for father's sake wasn't it?! I don't get it! I can't! I can't possibly still love him! He killed father!! But then why do I still feel the same for him?! Why can't I bear being without him?!_

_**Sing us a song**_

_**And we'll sing it back to you**_

_**We can sing our own**_

_**But what would it be without you**_

Lelouch rushed over to Shirley, who almost fell into the stairs when she fainted. He held on to her shoulders, then held her close to his body, never wanting to let go. She clenched onto him, sobbing over what she had done.

_Shirley... There's so many things I wish I could tell you. So many things.. But.. I can't.. I can't even ask for your forgiveness.. I wouldn't dare. All I can do is apologize.. Forgive me Shirley.. Of all people, I never wished this upon you.. I can't just leave you like this.._

Lelouch pulled her away and looked into her emerald green eyes.

"I'll make you forget everything!"

Shirley looked up at him, shocked and puzzled.

"Shirley, I'm sorry about your father. If there's such thing as reincarnation..."

_It's the only way... I know I'll lose you... But at least you'll find happiness. I know you can do it Shirley._

He prepared to use his Geass on her.

"No!! Lulu!!! NO!!!"

_**I am nothing now**_

_**And it's been so long**_

Over a year has passed since Shirley's memories were erased. Lelouch finally regained his memories. They became friends again, but it wasn't the same to him. Everytime he looked at her he felt a sharp pain pierce through his heart. Whenever he looked at her, all he would feel was disgust for himself.

But he had chosen the path of carnage. This should be expected right?

And still, something about Shirley (unsure of what it was), just made him never want to lose her again.

_**Since I heard the sound**_

_**The sound of my only hope**_

Shirley had always felt there was something missing in her life. Like it was right there, then suddenly disappeared. Yet she never figured out what it was.

Still, she had met a wonderful boy. They started as friends, but in time she fell truly and deeply in love with him. To her, he was beautiful in every way.

But his violet eyes -no matter when she looked at him- held remorse. A very deep sadness that always seemed to trouble him. She was determinded to take away his sadness.

And his name was Lelouch.

_**This time**_

_**I will be listening**_

It was the day of the love festival, Shirley was taking a walk after if had finally finished, talking on the phone with Milly. After she hung up, she suddenly felt something jolt though her. She stood there, unable to move as a flood of memories suddenly intruded her mind.

"Lulu... is Zero?"

_**Sing us a song**_

_**And we'll sing it back to you**_

Shirley woke up from a nightmare, her memories beginning to make sence. She decided she would meet with Suzaku at the mall.

_If Lulu is Zero... I have to tell Suzaku. But why does it feel wrong... Lulu... Why did I fall in love with you again??_

_**We can sing our own**_

Lelouch was walking back to the entrance of the mall, but on his way there, he suddenly saw Suzaku and..

"Shirley?"

Shirley and Suzaku looked over to him. When she did, he felt the same pain. He clenched his chest for a minute, then continued to walk with them. He stared at Shirley for a while, until he realized he was at the edge of the building.

_Shirley... I will never lose you again..._

_**But what would it be without you**_

Lelouch was looking at the border until Shirley suddenly turned around with a horrified look on her face.

"Shirley? What's wrong?"

Then Shirley ran to the edge of the building. He panicked and ran towards her.

_No... She wouldn't jump would she?! Shirley!!_

She took a step back and slipped. Lelouch grabbed her arm and Suzaku grabbed his leg.

"Let go! Let go!!" Shirley screamed.

The words shot through him.

_Shirley... If only you knew how I felt.. If I wasn't Zero I could say, but I could never put you in danger like that. Still, I promise you.. I'll protect you no matter what._

_**This heart, it beats**_

_**Beats for only you**_

"No! I can't! I won't!" Lelouch yelled.

Shirley looked up at him. She was almost shocked by the look on his face.

"I don't want to lose a single thing ever again! Shirley!"

_His eyes... They look so frightened and even more sad... Why is that Lulu? Why do you always seem so hurt and lonely..._

Suzaku pulled Lelouch and Shirley up. She looked down at her hands

_No... Lulu __is__ alone.._

She grabbed Suzaku's arm and dragged him away. She looked at Lelouch quickly.

_I'll become the one thing truthful to you._

_**This heart, it beats**_

_**Beats for only you**_

Lelouch prepared for Jeremiah to come. He stood on the edge, watching Suzaku and Shirley leave. He thought back to past times with her. He thought to when they would joke with each other and laugh with each other. How it felt so natural, like she was always ment to be there.

_**This heart, it beats**_

_**Beats for only you**_

_I wonder..._ Lelouch thought. _Will we ever go back to that, to the times where we didn't need to worry._

Lelouch set off the smoke in the mall and began his plan to lure Jeremiah.

_**My heart is yours**_

Shirley knew something was wrong. Ignoring Suzaku's instructions, she ran inside. She saw a lonely gun sitting on the floor. She stopped for a moment.

_Would I really shoot someone to protect Lulu?_

She asserted herself.

_No, that's a stupid question. Of course I would, I'll save him. Lulu, wait for me. I'm coming._

Shirley ran upstairs, looking for Lelouch and instead, ran into Rolo.

_**This heart, it beats**_

_**Beats for only you**_

"Please! Let me join too!" Shirley yelled. "I want to get back Lulu's happiness for him! Nunally as well!"

Rolo prepared to use his Geass.

_**My heart is your heart**_

Shirley lied on the ground, feeling something warm ooze out of her stomach. she was in pain, and unable to move.

_Blood? But Lulu... I have to protect him... I need him to know I'll always be there for him.._

_**(My heart, it is for you)**_

Lelouch headed upstairs when he suddenly saw a body sprawled on the ground. He ran over to it, horrifed by the sight.

"Shirley!"

He stared at the blood that was rapidly escaping from her body.

_I was supposed to protect you.._

"Who... did this..." he said, shocked by what he was observing.

_**This heart, it beats **_

_**Beats for only you**_

Shirley faintly heard his voice.

_Lulu... thank you..._

She slowly opened her eyes.

"Lulu? I'm glad that I could talk to you in the end..."

_It was my last desire.._

_**My heart is your heart**_

_**(My heart is yours)**_

Lelouch immidiately grabbed his phone.

_I'll save you Shirley!_

"It's not the end! I'll get a doctor right away! So..."

Shirley grabbed his hand and stopped him.

"You know? when I got my memories back I was so scared..."

_Her memories... And still though she knew, she didn't tell anyone?! Shirley! Why did you do this for me?! Even though you knew it was dangerous...!_

_**(Please don't go now)**_

_**This heart, it beats**_

Shirley looked into Lelouch's awe-struck eyes.

"A fake teacher... Friends with no memories..."

_How did that feel for you Lulu? You were lonely the whole time even with people constantly surrounding you..._

"Everyone was lying to me... It was as if the whole world was watching me..."

_You must know that feeling all to well... I'm sorry I wasn't there for you Lulu..._

_**(Please don't fade away)**_

_**Beats for only you**_

Lelouch couldn't do anything, he was just too terrified of what he was hearing. He ment to protect her, and instead he hurt her.

_She can't fade... I won't let her! Shirley, it was you're smile that saved me all these times, no matter when it was always you. I can't go without you..._

He was sure that she wouldn't die though, because Shirley was Shirley. And for that, it meant she didn't deserve to die. She was his angel, and he refused to lose her.

_**(Please don't go now)**_

_**My heart...**_

Shirley continued to confess to Lelouch, looking into his paper white face- for the blood drained away from it.

"Lulu... you've been fighting all by yourself in the world... All by yourself..."

_Everything was a lie... And you were absolutely lonely..._

"That's why... I wanted... to become the one thing truthful to you..."

_**(Please don't fade away)**_

_**My heart is yours**_

Pain and agony grew more and more in Lelouch's chest.

"Shirley..."

"I love you Lulu. Even when I knew you killed my father... I couldn't... bring myself to hate you..."

What she said stuck in him like daggers.

_Shirley... you're giving up aren't you... No... Don't do it!_

_**(Please don't go now)**_

Shirley felt herself begin to start giving up.

"Even when you tried to make me forget everything... I still... fell in love with you again..."

_Lulu... It was silly of you to think that I wouldn't... My heart will always belong to you..._

"Even when my memories were altered..."

_**My heart is yours**_

Lelouch noticed her eyes beginning to close. He couldn't deny it anymore. She was dying. He swiped his contact off.

"No! Don't die Shirley!!"

_I won't let you go like this! You deserve better!! I didn't deserve to fall in love with you!!_

_**(Please don't fade away)**_

Even with Lelouch's Geass of absolute obidiance, Shirley knew it wouldn't work. She was going to die, but she excepted that.

_Lulu... I'm just glad that you listened to me..._

"No matter how many times I'm reborn... I'm sure I'll fall in love with you again.. Lulu..."

_**My heart is yours**_

Lelouch felt tears build up in his eyes.

"This is fate... right?"

_But this can't be fate Shirley... Fate couldn't be this cruel!!_

"Don't die Shirley! Don't die!"

_**(Please don't go now)**_

Shirley struggled to stay alive.

"So it's okay.. right Lulu? That I'll fall in love with you when I'm reborn..."

_**My heart is yours**_

_Lulu, don't cry. You won't be lonely anymore. I'll be there..._

_**(Please don't fade away)**_

Tears streamed down his face. Everything about her was fading; her eyes dimmed, her voice was broken. He was slowly losing his world.

_Shirley... You can't..._

_**(Please don't go)**_

_Shirley... please don't leave me..._

_**(Please don't fade away)**_

Tears formed in Shirley's eyes as well.

_So Lulu... It'll be okay... _

"No matter... how many times... I'll still fall... in love... with you..."

_Thank you... Lulu..._

_**(Please don't go now)**_

Shirley's hand fell into the pool of blood.

"Shirley?! SHIRLEY?!"

No matter how much he screamed, she did not come back. He had lost his heart, the heart that she held, but now she was gone.

_**(Please don't fade away)**_

Later on that night, Lelouch finally fell asleep after staying up hours in his room, remembering the horrific sight of Shirley dying in front of him. His mind drifted into a dream state.

_Lelouch stood in the middle of nowhere, white completely surrounding him. Then he saw a figure far in the distance. He instinctivly ran towards it. He was delighted by who it was._

_"Shirley!"_

_She smiled at him, just like she always used to._

_"Shirley, I'm sorry... I couldn't save you. I broke my promise to always protect you..."_

_"No Lulu, it's okay. It was my fault really."_

_She softly laughed._

_Lelouch felt tears run down his face though. He grabbed her hands and held them to his face._

_"It wasn't your fault, it was mine. I was clumsy and I lost you..."_

_His voice was broken, completely and utterly broken from the pain he felt._

_"The morning always comes right?"_

_He looked at her. She just smiled gently as always. _

_"If the morning comes, it means everything will be alright."_

_"But I don't want to leave you Shirley..."_

_"Silly, I'll always be there. I'll be waiting for you."_

_Lelouch pulled her into him, holding her tight. She felt so real; her body was warm, and her skin was soft as always. He knew this was more than a dream._

_"Thank you Shirley. I love you."_

And so Lelouch woke up.

_**My heart is...**_

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Well, that's my first fanfic (on this account rather...).

Ironic isn't it? Try to save each other, they lost themselves.

Hmm.. I hope I added and changed enough things for it to be considered one. Otherwise well, it's no fun just reading basically a novel version of Code Geass. Hehe. Either way, if it was, I'll take it off, if not, hope you enjoyed!

Reviews much appreciated! :D


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